Random Ramblings

I think one of the many benefits of having a blog is being able to write what you want, however random it may seem. Today has just been one of those difficult days where I just wonder if I am doing anything positive in my life at the moment. Sure I save the world, one tax return at a time by day, but have I really accomplished anything special or made a difference in someone's life for the better. I feel like all that I think about each day is myself, and I want to be better at focusing on others and what I can do to help the world be a better place. A recent example that I can think of is that I've really wanted to start a family with my husband for a while, but I second guess myself all of the time and wonder if I am doing it for the right reason. Is it really time for me, or am I just lonely and want to be a part of all of those play dates that go on in my ward and other fun activities that mothers do. Am I being selfish, or am I thinking of others. That's the question that I've been asking myself lately after every decision that I make and it's SO frustrating.

One thing is for certain, I know I have to just try to enjoy the moments as they happen and just learn to find joy in the day-to-day experiences that life brings. Yeah, I work all of the time and I've been tired and cranky a lot lately, but I need to just stop and think about all of the blessings that I have. There are so many when you stop and think about it. My husband and I listen to public radio when we drive to work and school in the mornings, and there was a story on the radio about a woman in France. France has been hit pretty hard by the economic downturn and a lot of people are resorting to searching through trash cans for food. Each day, the marketplaces throw away any produce that has not been sold and the radio station was interviewing a woman that was going through the trashcan. She was telling them about how she knows if fruit is good or bad and about the different things that you could do with fruit to make it last longer. This was a woman who, not too long ago, owned a home, had a job, and did not worry about where her next meal was going to come from. The story touched me so deeply. There are so many things that go on in the world today that we just don't know anything about. I believe with every fiber of my being that the time is now, when our character will be tested. I guess that is why I am so hard on myself at times. The world is so big and there are so many things that don't have a solution. I just need to do the best I can with the situation that I'm in and pray my hardest that those people that are suffering will be comforted and healed.